Friday, September 25, 2009

what has the world come to...

a few things you should know...

1. dolphins are smarter then you no matter what you think (if you think that is) and one day they will leave this earth when it is about to end saying they tried to warn us but now they are leaving, singing a merry tune that goes, 'so long, so long, so long and thanks for the fish!'

2. if you are about to loose your life think back on how good your life has been and how you regret nothing but if this is not the case, which it is more likely, and life has been cold and mean to you, think about how lucky you are that you don't have to saw a second longer on this horrible land!

3. the worst poetry ever written was on this earth

4. love- avoid at all costs (but i doubt many people follow that warning)

5. never forget your towel!!!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

i totally want to call my to-be orangatang ranga hehehe

A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with his dummy at a bar. Then an angry redneck stood up, rolled up his sleeves ,and yelled, "I resent that!"
The ventriloquist started apologizing to the redneck.
The redneck looked at him and said, " You stay outta this, I''m talking to the guy on your lap!!!!

chip- muahahaha- so evil XD

ALLY- why the hell do i have a BATTLE STATION in my room!!!

remember guys- think of the homeless

oh god


oh mr. garrison, where did you go wrong!

ok this is kinda rude and most likely wont be as funny as it is as the audio but anyway- enjoy XD

ok, this is something I have on my laptop: sooo funny! XD

suck my balls!:

Mr. Garrison: ok children; let’s start the day with a few new math problems… what is 5 x 2?
Come on children, don’t be shy… just give it your best shot
Yes Cylied (spelt wrong)?
Cylied: 12?
Mr. G: ok, now let’s try and get an answer from someone who’s not a complete retard!
Anyone? Come on, don’t be shy.
Kyle: I think I know the answer Mr. Garrison
Eric: (mimics kid)
Kyle: shut up fatboy!
Eric: hey! Don’t call me fat you f-ing jew!
Mr. G: Eric! Did you just say the ‘f’ word?
Eric: Jew?
Kyle: no, he’s talking about fuc*, you can’t say fuc* in school, you f-ing fatass!
Mr. G: Kyle!
Eric: why the Fuc* not?
Mr. G: Eric!
Stanley: dude you just said fuc* again!
Mr. G: Stanley!
Kenny: (random word that implies the ‘f’ word!)
Mr. G: Kenny!
Eric: what’s the big deal, it doesn’t hurt anybody! F-f-u-dey-f-f-f (you get the point)
Mr. G: Eric! How would you like to go see the school’s councillor!
Eric: how would you like to suck my balls!
(class gasps in shock!)
Eric: oh, eh-ehem (stutters), I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Actually, what I said was…
(whirling effect and a mircophone sounds, Eric coughing)
Eric (into a speacker): eh-hmm, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS...Mr. Garrison…!
Somebody random…: wow…

Cool hey… well I think it’s funny!



A whole lot of bull

When will the world wake up and see that their whole life is a lie. We live in a world of of lies to sell and make money, to make us believe that we are safe, that the world will always be kind to us. We believe that war is a thing of the past, that right now we are only dealing with small battles, but does it make a difference that they aren't happing on our frontdoor step? People, Australians, are still dying out there in places that are so un-like how we live that its not funny. But why don't we see this sort of stuff on the news? Why don't we see the worlds true colours? Why?
But even though some of the countries right now like Australia are yet to have war on their shores we also have to face the fact that we are running out of natural resources such as water and it is predicted by the UN that by 2025 two thirds of the world will be under major stress conditions for water, and that peaceful arrguments will become violent outbreaks. Already places such as Canada are thinking about- or they have already done- putting a price on water. How can we put a price on something like the air we breathe?
Another problem is religion- i don't get it!
Why is the wanting of peace, of loving each others neighbours, of mother earth, the main source of bloody war that causes the loss of so many lives a year when its main force is to save them?
i don't get it.
Another thought- love.
My friend doesn't believe in true love much to my annoyence but i kinda get where she is comming from. Is it because we live in a socity that is so mucked up? That its just another day when we hear of another scandel, of cheating, of another un-happy ending for the golden couple. Books and movies have us believe that the cute guy will look at us, the normal girls, not the girl with the barbie figure and blonde hair. i don't think thats true. I believe its just an illusion. We are to believe that there is someone out there, just for us. But is that true?
Maybe. I myself believe that one day i might be able to find someone, that perfect yet un-perfect soul mate. But i have also come to terms that its an illusion, that i'm just like every other girl who believes the same thing. The thing that EVERYONE believes whether they like it or not.

Anyway, don't take what i'm saying seriously. Theres a good chance that what i have said is bull. That i'm just another teenager ranting and raving on about how crap life is, that i'm yet to see the world as an adult... but maybe thats what older people want us to think.
We have seen were it got gen. Y

but remember something- TV: aka. a idiot box to sell. Thats all your going to get on it.

Anyway, have a great holiday
Five ways to release and destroy you inner anger!:

1. Anger management classes at St. Trinions- looks like fun
2. The bashing and owning of zombies and other creatures in such movies as ‘dawn of the dead’, ‘shawn of the dead’, ‘resident evil: apocalypse’ and the ‘hills have eyes’- man those guys don’t hold back
3. Bogan hunting- seems to be a worldwide sport
4. Screaming your heads off like Italians- no that isn’t suppose to be offensive
5. Entering games such as the ones in ‘battle royal’ and the ‘hunger games’- just pray that they aren’t you friends
remember to COMMENT!!!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Maybe Swine Flu is a big hoax!

Remember guys to COMMENT! :P

No ghost mj

ok… this is what happened in art a few weeks ago…

friend 1: omg, I was on youtube and I was watching this really random video then suddenly micheal jackson’s ghost suddenly appeared on the screen. I was so scared I nearly cried!
Friend 2: oh god, don’t be, plastic doesn’t have ghosts

We cracked up laughing, kinda feeling guilty, and then friend 2 made it gold with this line:

Innocent voice: what, too soon?

anyway, HAVE A GREAT HOLIDAY (even thought this message is a bit late)

I'm batman

ok, this is from 'the big bang theory' (if thats how you spell it-chip)

‘What secret!?’
‘Mum smokes in the car…
‘Jesus is ok with it, but don’t tell dad!’
‘Not that secret!’
‘I’m batman…!’
‘I drank milk that tasted funny…’

Sunday, September 20, 2009

jesus was way cool/a religion of my ownXD

Another thing I came up with my friend when I told her about the above…

Ok, you never know, Jesus might just be someone who was extremely awesome (just like me) in his time. And, some random people were like, ‘OH MY DONKEY!’ your sooo awesome! I’m going to like totally worship you.

So they did.

Then they asked who his father was, and he was like… well, my mother is a cheating bi-arch (see above) and my father is too much in love to notice. What’s a cool name I can make up… I know! Seeming my mother had an affair with three people; godric, oliver and david… why don’t i call him ‘god’.

And so God was created.

Then the awesome dude named Jesus got some really cool friends and he was like. Hmmm… you are my besites. Let’s give you guys an awesome name… then he was like dammm… in the future some really awesome-more-awesome-them-me-girl-who-calls-her-self-a-chipmunk (moi) has already taken ‘awesome chums’… hmm… I guess apostles will do.

And so the apostles were born.

Then, after quite awhile, Jesus got lots and lots of followers who followed him because he was pure awesome (like me) and he followed his mother’s cover-up story about the star and all and was like, shit, I could make a fortune out of this.

And so he did.

Then a quite a few years later... again… some bastards found out about his scam and got jealous about how awesome he was so they killed him…
Then he rose from the dead, did a little dance and went to heaven… like, that’s totally ‘way cool’
… The end


Pretty funny hey… ok ok ok, I’m sorry if I really offended people..
But remember, atheist!!!

I wonder if one day they will make a religion about me?
‘in the name of mother and the daughter and everything awesome…peace!’

I think it will work :P

Crapsies is the new word!!!

(chip) Ok on the way back from piano my mum started to tell me about something she was listening to on the radio about snakes as pet. And seeming one of my best friends has a snake I was like, really?
What was it about?

The first caller:
‘me and my husband woke up one morning to find our pet snake wrapped around one of our bed poles, staring at us up and down and we thought this was wired so we took it to the zoo.
The vet told us to get rid of the snake as soon as we could…
He was (the snake) was sizing us up to eat!’

The second caller:
‘we found our snake sleeping next to our baby and at first we thought it was cute but then we started having doubts so we took to it to the zoo… the vet told us get rid of the snake quick, it was seeing if the baby would fit!!!’

So, by now I’m staring at my mother shocked!

I was like

Me: squeezie (friend’s pet snake) would never do that…!
Mum: honey, he would probably be looking at ‘beep’(friends name) and going crapsies…!

Lol, squeezie is very young and soooo small!!! CUTIE! XD

Laughing is the best medicineXD

ok- here are a few jokes i have come across in the past
might i add, i suck at telling jokes (chip-lol)

- A blonde bought an a.m. radio and it took her a month to find out she could listen to it at night.

- A Blonde was at a gumball machine. She put a quarter in and kept getting a gumball out. The brunette behind her taps the blonde on the shoulder and asked if she could get a gumball. The blonde said, "Shut up! I'm WINNING!"

- A blonde walks about to a brunette off the side of a busy highway, ’51, 51, 51…’ The blonde looks at the girl confused, ‘why are you saying 51?’ But the brunette doesn’t reply, she just keeps staring out at the road as cars drove pass; ’51, 51, 51…’ So the blonde joins in. ’51, 51, 51…’
The brunette turns to the blonde and smiles sweetly, ‘it works better if you stand in the middle of the road…’ so the blonde did. BAM! The blonde is crushed by a car.
’52, 52, 52…’

- An angel walks up to the main gates of heaven to finds three men awaiting their entrance. The first man had a guilty expression on his face and when the angel asks for the details on his death, he breaks down in sobs. ‘It’s not my fault,’ he said, ‘I was leaving work early because I was sure my wife was cheating on me, then, then… well, I got home and I searched the house. Clean! But then I saw him, hanging by his fingers on the veranda, trying to escape. SO, one by one I pried his fingers off- and he fell. Then I ran down stairs and, just to make sure he was dead, I grabbed our second fridge and chucked it on top of him…then I grabbed our shot gun from the attic and shot through the fridge… I couldn’t believe what I had done, so I shot myself in guilt…’ By now the man was crying madly, so the angel walked up to the next guy, a tradie.
‘You wouldn’t believe it!’ Announced the young man, shaking his head in anger, ‘here I am working on a roof, just another job, minding my own business when suddenly I fall off randomly, then, just before I hit the ground, I managed to catch onto a rale and I was Saved!’ he shouted to no one in particular, laughing humourlessly. ‘But no, god hated me so some bastard pushed me off the bloody rale, like, what did I ever do to him…! The last thing I remember is a large shape falling towards me.’ The man finished, kicking up a piece of cloud and the angel, now confused walked to the next man, also young… not to mention naked!The man smiled liked he was having the time of his life, ‘Get this!’ He says, hands open, ‘you’re in a fridge…!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

It's all a cover up! (1st post)

Heyy guys, this is our first post and we thought we will go straight to the max with one of the most debated topics around- religion!
Not only does this religion take more lives than cancer, its also hypacritical and totally bull!
Please don't read the below if you will be offend, we repect the beliefs and values of those who believe in God or any other religion- its just the pure fact that some random bogan is sitting on comfy, fluffy coulds in paradise watching our world spiral into darkness and madness! No offence or anything!

Ok, we got this from my friend who got it from her friend (in Pommy land).
This is what basically happened (well, how we imagined it-most likely not though)

Friend: MS! MS! MS!
RE Teacher: yes?
F: I finally figured it out!
RE T: what did you figure out?
F: don’t you see, it’s all a cover up story…!
RE T: … what …?
F: its sooooooo obvious… Mary was TOTALLY cheating on Joseph
RE T: (stares at the girl as if she thinks she’s crazy)
F: Mary made all this bullshit up to cover her cheating because she didn’t want to tell Joseph how she got knocked up by some other bastard… don’t you see Ms? It’s so obvious!
The star, god, being a virgin… it’s a whole lot of bull!!!
RE T: (wondering how badly she failed the child)

Remember COMMENT!!!


Heyy, were Ally and Chip and we decided that the world is so mucked up!
So we decided to rant and rave and vent, about all over it.
So, welcome to our blog!
Might we add that we are random, weird and there is most likely going to be some context that offend you. If this is the case, please tell us and we will change or delete it (maybe-depends how good your case is)- i warn you, this will most likely be about religion.
This maybe the weirdest thing you will ever read, and feel free to comment.
Enter at your own risk!
Luv. Ally and ChipXD
p.s the world would be much better with mucked up teens like us! XD
pp.s were not that bad- really