ok- here are a few jokes i have come across in the past
might i add, i suck at telling jokes (chip-lol)
- A blonde bought an a.m. radio and it took her a month to find out she could listen to it at night.
- A Blonde was at a gumball machine. She put a quarter in and kept getting a gumball out. The brunette behind her taps the blonde on the shoulder and asked if she could get a gumball. The blonde said, "Shut up! I'm WINNING!"
- A blonde walks about to a brunette off the side of a busy highway, ’51, 51, 51…’ The blonde looks at the girl confused, ‘why are you saying 51?’ But the brunette doesn’t reply, she just keeps staring out at the road as cars drove pass; ’51, 51, 51…’ So the blonde joins in. ’51, 51, 51…’
The brunette turns to the blonde and smiles sweetly, ‘it works better if you stand in the middle of the road…’ so the blonde did. BAM! The blonde is crushed by a car.
’52, 52, 52…’
- An angel walks up to the main gates of heaven to finds three men awaiting their entrance. The first man had a guilty expression on his face and when the angel asks for the details on his death, he breaks down in sobs. ‘It’s not my fault,’ he said, ‘I was leaving work early because I was sure my wife was cheating on me, then, then… well, I got home and I searched the house. Clean! But then I saw him, hanging by his fingers on the veranda, trying to escape. SO, one by one I pried his fingers off- and he fell. Then I ran down stairs and, just to make sure he was dead, I grabbed our second fridge and chucked it on top of him…then I grabbed our shot gun from the attic and shot through the fridge… I couldn’t believe what I had done, so I shot myself in guilt…’ By now the man was crying madly, so the angel walked up to the next guy, a tradie.
‘You wouldn’t believe it!’ Announced the young man, shaking his head in anger, ‘here I am working on a roof, just another job, minding my own business when suddenly I fall off randomly, then, just before I hit the ground, I managed to catch onto a rale and I was Saved!’ he shouted to no one in particular, laughing humourlessly. ‘But no, god hated me so some bastard pushed me off the bloody rale, like, what did I ever do to him…! The last thing I remember is a large shape falling towards me.’ The man finished, kicking up a piece of cloud and the angel, now confused walked to the next man, also young… not to mention naked!The man smiled liked he was having the time of his life, ‘Get this!’ He says, hands open, ‘you’re in a fridge…!